Yesterday, was hunting for house stuff day. Since we only brought our clothes to Thailand, we had to buy everything. Imagine this process. We pull out our map and start asking people, where might we find sheets for example? Oh, the people respond, you can go to X@*&^% market… or you can go to Tesco or Makro, or Big C. These all sound like viable options, because at lease we could pronounce their names. So off we went on our little scooter, our now broken map and lots of determination to find one of these joints, so that we might make this new place our home.
It seemed relatively easy when the journey began. I mean, we saw where we were, and where we needed to go, but somehow in this process something went very wrong. To begin, we still are not quite sure what direction we are going at any given moment. We think that the mountains are to the north, but I think they bend a bit, so one could be driving towards the north, which might actually be the West, and end up so turned around that when you finally check, you are actually going South.
This seems impossible I know, but imagine that EVERYTHING is written in these Thai symbols that they call words. When they are actually written with alphabetical letters, they are words like RATCHADEMNOEN RD. Now, can someone please tell me how to pronounce that? Or maybe you have some phonetic “chunking” technique that might ever help me to remember it. Because so far, I can’t say it, I can’t remember it and I definitely can not find that word on the map. Well except for now, because I just chose it randomly to show you all how darn frustrating this is.
Now, just imagine that you find someone who can speak enough English so that he can say, while motioning with his arms, “Go straight, see gas, turn, and again motions to what he thinks he remember to the right. Look for SUPER HIGHWAY left side.” The probability of actually following those directions is quite slim. So we decided to just head in the general direction he was pointing and hope for the best.
Alrighty then, we thought. How hard could it be? We are here, we have to go there, just head in that direction. Well, I tell you that these maps are so so deceiving because what seems like a really far way, might only be a minute. And before you realize that you don’ t know where the hell you are, you have just enough time to completely loop around one curve and then the next until you end up in the complete opposite direction from where you wanted to go. And this was exactly what happened to us.
On our quest for the ultimate home store, another couple, also on a scooter, approached us on the side of the road with our map out trying to figure out what went wrong. When they asked us if we could give them directions, I just laughed. Soon enough though, together we discovered where we were. We realized we were exactly on the opposite side of the map, going in exactly the opposite direction from where we wanted to go.
Lord Grant Me Patience!!! Now, getting lost you say, that is not so bad. And, in normal circumstance I will give you this. I have been lost before, frustrating, but not the end of the world. But this is not like that. We can not ask for help. When we do, we don’t understand. We are also on a death defying scooter every day. I swear we come close to death nearly 10 times a day. And, since I must control my destiny, and act as the back seat driver to Manny, I am constantly pinching and squeezing him at the sight of danger as I gasp for him to pay closer attention. So, to put it more simply, this is REALLY stressful driving. And yesterday, all we wanted to do was buy a few things like soap, and sheets, and this trip took us 5 hours.

Up and down the highway we would go. When we recognized a name like Big C, we could not figure out how to get there. When it said U turn to Big C, it was already too late. And, to exit off the highway, you have to do it with anticipation by going onto this side road of the highway BEFORE the exit. Well, we don’t know when to exit BEFORE the exit. We don’t even know when to exit ON the exit. So on and on we drove, trying to get back to where we saw the sign, only to find out that the exits we chose would only take us onto another road, without a U turn. I was almost in tears.
Finally, I said screeching, JUST PULL OVER!!! I can’t take it anymore! We pulled over to the side of the road and I jumped off the bike and laid down on a large slab of a marble floor, like a grand entrance to a bank or a car dealership or something. Not quite sure exactly. All I knew was I was about to loose it and I needed “some space.”
Manny was beyond frustrated as well because he started cussing at me in Spanish. I felt like Lucile Ball in I love Lucy with Ricky Ricardo cursing when he got angry. This just made me burst into laughter at the whole ridiculousness of it all. We were just both so tired. And I am sure he feels a tremendous amount of pressure to help us find our way. I am, of course, no help because I am scared most of the time and bordering on angry because he takes chances that I don’t like. And, in my arrogant, I told you to turn back there attitude, it is just more than he can take sometimes.
Just when it felt like we were ready to give up, we look over to see the very place we needed to be. We both turned to each other and laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. I suppose we just have to chalk this up to the growing pains of Thailand.

If you are curious to know how we lived through this and many other adventures, visit our website and blog at filosophyonline.com